Dario Is a Terrible Writer and Salesman.
by Ze new Misato
Summary: Well, this is just a story about Dario on the street-- going nuts and not selling ANY books. It turns out Enrico is the real salesman, and this results in a lard fight. Leon and Marvin look on, commenting and talking as they sit in the squad car and drink


Dario Is A Bad Salesman.  
  
"Why, why!? Why won't anyone buy my books? Why, sure, there's some taco sauce- but.. WHY?!" Dario sat at a table in the street, with piles of his "masterpieces" piled up on one another. "Buy my book!" He jumped his big fat self up, holding out a book to an elderly woman. "Aaah! You.. American Shyco! Whipper shnapper, get off of Gran'ma Prudensh!" She cried out in her old lady accent, and began to beat Dario over the head with her cane.   
Dario sat back in his chair, holding his head. "Oooh, Grandma, Mama, My wife.. my daughter... they're all gone! I shouldve listened to Grandmama and not become a writer. But I was too stupid! GRANDMAMA, DAMN YOU!" And suddenly, a group of old women attacked Dario. "Gaah! Sweaty wrinkley rape! GET OFF, MY GOD!" Dario cried out, trying to get attention from the cops nearby. They sat down, eating donuts and drinking coffee in the squad car.   
"Hey, isn't that that unsuccessful writer?" Leon asked Marvin. "Yeah.. he sucks, from what I`ve heard." Marvin replied, eating a donut. "Hey, Marvin.. guess what." Leon said, in a whisper. Marvin sipped his coffee. "What?" "I found out.. that.. Ada Wong is really an overweight man..." Leon whispered, looking around. "GAH! And I thought -he- was hot! My God!" Marvin cried out. Leon hung his head and pouted. Marvin laughed his ass off. They continued to have a conversation.  
Dario sat down to hard, and due to the fact that he was overweight he fell through the chair. He looked at his sleeve.. it was gone-- still. He never changed his clothes, so he was kind of like a bum. "Buy my book!" He cried out to a hippie. The bearded man started reading the book. "Hey,man, this book is like.. the shtick.. it's a drag, man, a drag." He moped away, adjusting his heart glasses. Dario balled up his fists, tell to his knees and threw his head back as he closed his eyes. "NOOOO!!!"  
Dario walked around, before he saw a woman with a wig and a beard on.. with sunglasses. Of course, he didn't know that it was in fact his daughter, trying to pass without being embaressed. If everyone knew she was Dario's daughter, she'd commit suicide. "Hey! You look familiar. And uh.. BUY MY BOOK!" Dario held out a book. The daughter coughed, and disguised her voice as a deep one. "Oh.. uh.. uh... no thank you, my good man." Dario ripped off the wig, beard, and sunglasses. "AH-HA! Its my daughter! Yay!" A passing school bus of kids drove by, all of them hanging out the window pointing and laughing at Dario's daughter.  
"Oh my God, You've ruined my life, Dad!" She started crying and started to run off. Dario looked down, and then looked up, smiling brightly. "Wanna buy my book?!"   
Carlos let out a twenty-five second gasp, flipping through one of Dario's books. "Noo! Where are all the hot ladies?! Where am I!!!??? This shit is loco, man!" He threw the book at Dario, and stomped away. "I cant believe thiiiiiis!" Dario watched. He scratched his head, scrunching up his ugly face. He pulled out a voice recorder, and pressed record. "Note to self: Write a book all about Carlos and include pictures of foxy ladies and Carlos all throughout the book." He pressed stop, and sat on the floor.  
Almost a half-hour later, Chris, Forest, and Barry were standing at the table. Chris was making fun of Dario, and Forest and Barry stood behind him laughing. "Yer books suck!" Chris spit on his books, making more mean remarks. Suddenly, Dario bellyflopped chris and bashed him over the head with a book, knocking him out. Barry and Speyer immeadiatly stopped laughing, looking down at Chris.. then back at Dario. They put their hands on their cheeks, screamed like girls and ran off, dragging Chris along. Dario stood on his table. "MY BOOKS RULE, AND NEVER MESS WITH A REALLY FAT GUY!" The table collapsed.  
Marvin and Leon sipped their coffee, watching them. They were laughing. "He just KOed Chris and scared Forest and Barry away. Can you believe that?" Marvin asked Leon. Leon took a bite out of his donut... and saw Ada walking down the street. "See, Marvin-- thats REALLY a man." Marvin laughed, watching Ada walk to the table. She bent over to look at a book. Marvin and Leon turned pale, gasping-- they saw something horrid hanging out of her underwear (saggy balls. LOL.). "Sooo, Marvin, how's the weather?!" Leon asked, looking away. "Oh, it's fine, Leon." Marvin said, looking the other way from Ada. They'd be forevermore disturbed. Ada got up, and walked away.  
Dario slammed his fists on his books. "WHY WON'T ANYONE BUY MY BOOKS?!" He gasped and looked to the side.. and then across the street. He grew angry, and turned red when he saw Enrico handing out books. Dario got up, and stomped across the street. "THERE IS ROOM FOR ONLY ONE VERY CHUBBY MAN IN THIS BUSINESS." Dario cried out. "Thats me!" Enrico said. Suddenly, there was a lard fight.  
Leon and Marvin watched from the patrol car, laughing again. "Overweight pathetic wrestling." Leon said amongst his laughter. Marvin arched a brow, as Claire jumped out from under the wheel-- where Leon was. She looked around, wiped her mouth and jumped away out the window. "Leon-- what was that?" Marvin asked, wide eyed. "Oh.. uh.. what.. wh.. whatever do you mean?" Leon asked, looking away. "Dude.. you a..Clai.. t..bl.. guh." Marvin slowly shook his head. "Jeez, Leon. Next time pass the drink."  
Oh yeah. Anyway, Enrico had totally crushed Dario. Dario's head was stuck in his ass. He sat on him to death. Enrico bent over, and Richard Aiken held a match to his ass. Enrico farted, the flame catching. A flaming Dario went flying across the street, and sat there burning in his books. The books burned as well.. as everyone danced together with Enrico.  
Leon and Marvin had the same expressions. They were frozen and staring at what just happened, coffee cups not moving from their lips. They slowly turned to eachother, and then burst out laughing, spitting coffee everywhere. They were rolling and whipping themselves all over. Suddenly, Brad jumped out from under the dashboard, where Marvin was sitting. He jumped out the window and scattered down the street. Leon stopped laughing, staring wide eyed at Marvin. Marvin whistled, looking around. "W..Why are you staring at me like that. What. What did I do?!" Marvin yelled out. Leon stared. "GAH! THE STARE! CUT IT OUT! I did nothing!" Leon blinked, grimacing. "Seems like Brad did everything for you."  
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Hahaha. Talk about REALLY dumb. We all know Dario is a struggling writer, anyway.. and he IS pretty chubby. Sorry for dissing on Brad.. Again. I dis him in almost every story, so I hope you all don't mind... (I know most of you do--I`ve gotten a few complants about me picking on Brad too much, but I can't help it. XD) Spare me, I am very, very rusty. I should write a lot more fics about Leon and Marvin sitting in a car together observing stuff. I really like that. :D   
  
  
Note: I usually think of something to write about, and then write the stories and stuff off the top of my head. There is how I make my stories so frigin' ridiculous! Thank you. I just felt everyone should know for some strange reason.  
  
  
-(Idiot, Jackass, Toni, Retard, Cap'n Misato.)-  
  
Oh, by the way.. after you read, please review. I can't wait to get dissed on this one... oh.. yeah.. and good comments (if I get ANY at all.). "Be a responsible reader, READ AND REVIEW.) 


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